Everyone hates socialism until they play Crash Team Racing

The gaming community is well known for its toxic elements, including helping to propel far right ideas into the mainstream again. Go on any gaming chat page and you’ll find endless trolling, abuse and then complaints about snowflakes. They hate “SJWs” and their socialism. The remaster of Crash Team Racing though, might just bring these craven trolls to their knees. 

Crash Team Racing Nitro-Fueled, to use its full and slightly absurd title, captures the spirit of the original game. It is absolute chaos and it’s fun. The tracks are awe inspiring, imaginative, and sometimes evoke Bioshock. Lovers of science fiction aesthetics will be enthralled by the variety. The ‘grind’ system is fun and rewarding, but not too difficult to unlock the things you want. The skins definitely add variety to characters that are well loved decades on. But be warned: this is not Mario Kart. It is brutal

Mario Kart is the rival fun racing title. It is something that isn’t to be taken seriously but always is among families. CTR is arguably an upgrade because neither Microsoft nor Sony have had the online play issues that Nintendo has had, meaning that the possibilities for CTR are endless – if you ever want to speak to anyone again after the first race and the chances are, you won’t. 

In Mario Kart, if you struggle, then don’t fear because help will arrive. A good old blue shell or a star will handily come to your aid and level the playing field. This is to make sure everyone has a shot at winning and nobody is unfairly picked on. Shoot someone? Well, they’ll probably just hit you right back. Crash Team Racing has a very different philosophy. It’s dingodile eat dingodile because, that’s meritocracy, isn’t it?

In last place? Okay, then here’s a green bottle which is absolutely useless! Or even better, a bubble to protect you when people come round and lap you. You won’t get anything that will actually help you speed up. But if you’re in first place? Then, you absolutely need a speed boosting mask to help you gain an even greater advantage! The items don’t seem to change whatever your position and then means you have to scrap like hell to have any chance of even getting a point. If you’re eighth, don’t think you can count on boxes and fruit to save you because they might not. You might just spend three lonely laps trundling along all by yourself and wondering just what in your life went so wrong to have led you to be that pathetic. It’s soul crushing, and it’s sweet justice because damn it, some of these gamers deserve to feel the despair of getting a green bottle when they are 10 seconds down on a leader who is about to cross the line. CTR  will make you want to throw your controller but you won’t be able to because there are still three races left in the cup to try and get through. It’s a magnificent and brutal ‘family’ game. Don’t be fooled by cute tigers and polar bears. They won’t hesitate to try and ruin your life. 

This is a game to ‘own the libs’ and show off the virtue of a classic meritocracy – apart from the fact that it’s all based on luck and whether you get any items of use at all. They won’t, and the trolls will cry when they realise everyone can and will turn on them now and they have nothing to do but take it. What a wonderful and destructive title that really shows just how screwed up capitalism is. I’ll keep working for those skins … but I might go back to Mario Kart for a while first. 

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